Hello Humanoids

Hello, Guys, it’s me BadjokesFM back at you once again with blog #6 of Back to the Boleyn, my East Ham FC create-a-club series. Before we get started I just want to apologise for the delay in getting this blog out, I’ve had a weird couple weeks so not been able to write much. Today as the title suggests, I’ll be recapping what happened during the months of October and November. We played eight games in this period including our first cup game. I would love some feedback on this blog, it’s different to what I normally do so would like to know if people enjoy the monthly updates or the multi-month updates more. With that out of the way let’s see how we get on during October.


After finishing September with three away games, a crowd of 4,307 with a lonely 24 away fans, saw us return home to the Boleyn for a game against Weston-Super-Mare. Unfortunately, a ten-day break from the last league game left us looking jaded and a nil-nil draw was the right result as neither side looked like scoring.

Four days later, we were once again at home to play against Concord and this game made up for the lack of goals in the super-mare game, as Jamie Calvin led the line expertly for us with FIVE yes FIVE goals all coming within an incredible eleven-minute spell from the eighth minute to the nineteenth, with four from open play and one from the penalty spot, to send our home support wild and shellshock the poor Concord defence, who must have been wishing they had stayed at home. The final score of six-two certainly flattered us as without Calvin’s performance this was actually a very even game, but a win is a win and we move on.

Next up we made the twenty-five mile journey to north-west London to play Wealdstone, we actually played a lot better as a team in this game but only won it in the eighty-seventh minute, when Jamie Calvin continued his great scoring record by nicking the winner, when he took advantage of an under-hit back pass to the Wealdstone keeper to round him and put the ball into an empty net, to give us a second consecutive win.

A week later we traveled to Truro in a confident mood and that showed in our performance. Three first-half goals from three different scorers, Wiltshire, Winter and Dusabe gave us a three-nil halftime lead that we never looked like losing and in fact the consolation goal Truro scored was unfortunate on our defence, who had played well for the previous eighty-seven minutes.

We finished up October with a home game against St, Albans, where a record crowd of 5,161 saw us draw one-one after falling behind early to a Sambou tap in at the far post from a corner. Tom Winter got our equalizer in the forty-fourth minute with a volley from eight yards out from a Sweeney cross. Despite us having more shots on target, we couldn’t get past Dearle the St Albans keeper.

October Wrap up

We’ve played five games this month winning three and drawing two to go through the month unbeaten and we’re currently hovering around the playoff positions which the board are very happy with as you would expect.

The Dynamics of the squad is now starting to take shape with the central defenders Pooley and Siaw emerging as Highly influential members of the team, with the two strikers, Winter and Calvin using their impressive performances to become influential in the dressing room. 


November was a very short month for us, with just two league games played and our first ever game in the FA Trophy against a very local rival. We started off the month with a home game against Poole. This was a game that was dominated by our dynamic duo up front, as both Calvin & Winter, bagged themselves a brace in what was a very good performance from the lads. It would have been perfect but we lost our concentration late on and allowed Poole to get a consolation goal in the ninety-fifth minute, with the last kick of the game.

The middle game in November, came a week later, as we made the trip into Essex to take on another of the form teams in the league Chelmsford. Unfortunately, this was a game that for one reason or another we never really got going in until it was too late, as we found ourselves three-nil down after sixty-four minutes and it really could have been more, as all the match stats were heavily in Chelmsford’s favour. We did manage to get a couple of goals back in the last ten minutes through Jamie Calvin and a very lucky own goal in the last minute, as the Chelmsford defender passed the ball back to his keeper, who was too busy having a chat with an attractive blonde in the crowd to notice the shouts from his teammate, and let the ball dribble in the net past him. It made no difference as the score finished three-two to the hosts and even that score flattered us quite a bit.

We finished off November with a game I had been very much looking forward to, as we had been drawn at home in our first ever FA trophy match against my hometown team Romford FC. This was a very weird day as I always send Captain Goodspeed out to the car park a couple hours before kick off, to welcome the away team to the ground and to show them to the away dressing room. You know the usual matchday hospitality stuff, but I kept getting messages that no away team minibus had arrived and Goodspeed was getting in a grump because it wasn’t the warmest day ever and he was fed up of waiting, when he noticed the number five bus stop right outside the ground and approximately twenty people in Romford FC outfits disembarked at this point the Captain was thinking these were fans and was about to tell them to get back on the bus as the team had not shown up, when a big bald geezer stepped up and announced himself as Paul Martin, the Romford manager and that this was the team. It turns out in a money-saving measure they had decided that instead of hiring a minibus, they would all just whip out their Oysters and jump on the bus to the game.

Onto the game itself and we never looked like losing, as the shortage of games in November allowed us to field a full-strength team and we were three-nil up within eighteen minutes, a Winter double forming the bread of a Pooley sandwich, to put the game to bed early. The only downside of the first half was Carvalho having to go off in the nineteenth minute after picking up a knock. The first half finished three-nil, so I made the decision to take off Winter, even though he was on a hat-trick to keep him fresh for what’s going to be a busy month in December. Romford did get one back as Aaron Gordon got himself a nice moment scoring at Upton Park, to give the visitors a glimmer of hope but we saw the game out and in fact, Robbie Sweeney extended our lead in injury time, as the game finished at a comfortable four-one. I hoped Paul Martin and his team didn’t feel too despondent and wouldn’t have to wait too long for the number 5 bus back to Romford.


See you next time

That’s another two months out of the way. We’ve played seven league games and won four of them, drawing two and losing just the one, as well as winning our first ever cup game. We continue to exceed all expectations in the league. We’re still in and around the playoff, to be honest, I’ve not looked too much at the table but after we get through December, I’ll be looking more and I’ll start posting them on the blogs. Thank you for reading this, I hope you’ve enjoyed it. If you have, please give it a like and a retweet would be beautiful, to help more people see this. Please leave any comments you have down below. If you have any advice on how to improve the blog, or if you want to see anything I’m not currently showing in the blog, then let me know on here, or on twitter send me a DM Here